I am the soul that lives within.....

Life is the most amazing teacher. Every single day through simple daily instances it teaches you something new about your own self and pushes you to go deeper and deeper to question your belief systems. Makes you wonder about everything that you thoughtlessly judged as good or bad before. 

Worth noting them down...life's little musings... with all its contradictions and humour.. Nothing heavy today.. just some simple wonderings....

 

And the other day, a simple act of getting a photograph done got me thinking and musing over what I actually am.  Made me question what is my outer me and what is my inner me? And who sees what?

 

"I am not this hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within." - Rumi

 

 

So the other day, I wanted some instant passport size pictures done. I went to this cute little shop and the guy there quickly clicked my picture and went to take the printout. And while I was waiting there, I could see him working on his computer.  I was curious to know what is he exactly doing with my picture so I went near him to watch him work. And I was so fascinated by what I saw. 

 

This guy had opened my picture in photoshop and was working on my face. He very sincerely removed every single blemish from my face, he nicely smoothened my cheeks and made me a shade fairer. He didn't stop at that, he then went on to fix my hair too. He nicely with his paintbrush adjusted them, rubbed out the ones that were flying out of place and made me prim and proper. One part of me wanted to tell him.. Dude, I look just fine the way I am!! and I am not going to pay you extra for this "fixing." But he was doing it all so sincerely and as a matter of factly that I  just smilingly waited for the final result. I wanted to know how exactly, did this person think, I "should" look like? :)

 

And then very pleased with his job gave me my printouts. And obviously I looked great in it!! And it made me wonder, Really? Who can I even show this picture to? This is not even me. :) And even if I ended up showing it to people they would simply dismiss it as a fudged photograph, right?

 

But then I remembered something which made me wonder even more. Remember in the earlier days (Did I just say that!!?? ;)) Well, yeah, so before photoshop, I should say :). So earlier, when we would go to take a picture, they would give you a few minutes to fix yourself. There would be a small corner where you could look in the mirror, put on some talcum powder and comb your hair. And after this ritual you would sit there and properly get a picture taken, right? 

 

Come to think of it, didn't the photoshop guy do the same thing on my picture? He put some concealer on my face and added some pink on my cheeks and brushed my hair...but only digitally didn't he? So then, it's still me, right? :) What's really wrong with that?

 

And so many people feel compelled to do that every single day of their life, right? No, I am not talking about basic hygiene and being "presentable" here. I am talking about actually picking up a brush and painting your face... putting on some makeup to enhance our looks..that's perfectly okay, right? So why does it feel wrong if we do it on photoshop? Why does that feel like fudging? Something to think about.....

 

And imagine, if I put this picture of mine on social networks, people would actually think this is what I look like! There are some people who probably we will never meet again in physical life but we are virtually connected to them on a daily basis. And with this picture, their entire lifetime they would think.. this is what I look like, with flawless smooth skin, a shade fairer and perfect hair!!! Talk about reality...and being yourself...

But what if I put on some makeup on my actual face and post that picture. Wouldn't I be doing the same fudging? How come that's alright?

And would I feel my authentic self with people who thought and wanted me to look flawless like that? Is it even worth it?

When I get stressed or depressed I tend to put on weight...when I start healing I automatically loose all my extra weight.. sometimes I colour my hair red...sometimes I straighten them out prim and proper... sometimes I like them loosely curly and flowing. I look different when I wake up in the mornings. I look different when I feel happy. I look different when I am sad or angry....
So this outer me keeps changing all the time and sometimes not even in my control. They say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and the one who doesn't see the inner me....sees who and what then?

Reminds me of the day that I was going to get my glasses for the first time with my Dad and my sister. I was in my 10th standard then so obviously I was not very happy and a bit sad then. And my astute Dad had sensed that and he very sweetly with very few words told me that anyone who can't see the real me beyond my glasses was so not worth it. And that was the biggest advice I carry with me always and in some ways it got me thinking at an early age about the joy of being my authentic self and the real me...Who was this me beyond my glasses? I found it a very fascinating idea...

But yes..there's one enhancer that I myself am addicted to.. and that's my eye kohl...my kaajal pencil...and as I ponder more about it.. I guess that's where it leads to... the eyes..

The eyes are the windows to our soul, they say. Is that where my inner me resides? :)