A birth, two deaths and a journey. If someone had told this to me about 4 to 5 years back that all this was in store for me just down the road.... I would have probably asked that person to just scoot off. It's been 4 years today since the day of the accident and I finally feel light...I have finally let go.. And how do I truly know that? I actually lost track of the dates. :) Till last year on this day the entire ordeal would just keep playing in my mind over and over again. But today I simply just forgot. I even thought about my mother like I do everyday but didn't realize about the day till my sister called me in the afternoon. And guess what!! we actually laughed about it. Because both of us realised that we really don't need to hold on to any particular day to feel love for our mother.. she is a part of us every single day....and by letting go...and by realising this profound truth we felt even closer to her..in a very very happy way... :)
Infact, after a really long time I had inadvertently made plans to go out today of all the days with a very dear childhood friend of mine who was in town. So we roamed the whole evening, went around our old college remembering silly times, taking pictures and sitting and chabbering on our famous Podar katta. And guess what? I didn't even feel guilty at all. I couldn't stop saying whole evening ....that I felt so happy.. so happy that I have finally let her go.....happy, that just knowing this she would be happy too.....:) I had such a great evening of all the days.. today!!
Sometimes we just keep holding on to grief because unfortunately that's the only thing that's left with us. Not out of choice and not because one likes to feel like a victim but really what else have you got? No goodbyes..No nothing..Just Boom..Gone..Forever! And at some level you actually feel guilty if you allow yourself to be happy again. Its weird but if you have lost a really close loved one and are still holding on to the grief you will know what I mean. And you think that if you let that grief go....you won't feel them anymore. But you know what? Infact, the opposite happens... If you keep holding on..you are just blocking yourself to feeling anything. But the minute you let go..truly magic happens.. you begin to feel your loved ones in ways that you couldn't imagine before. I feel the love of my parents all the time now. When I swim... I know my father is smiling at me and I can't help smiling too. When I am just happy, I know that my mother would be happy too.... That was what their whole life was about....just to see their daughters happy.... so we better damn be happy!! :)
Sometimes changing our relationship with certain conditioned concepts helps a lot. Opening your heart and mind helps. We simply accept certain notions of death and life without ever questioning them or without ever having done our own persistent intellectual enquiry on them and reaching our own insights to them. Nowadays there is so much literature available on the Eastern and Western philosophy be it new age or ancient texts that its not that difficult to do your own research if you truly desire to. You may not get all your answers but atleast your mind broadens to the fact of alternate realities and suddenly death doesn't seem so scary at all. It doesn't feel like a permanent end to things. To me, its worth finding out the answers for yourself and then choosing your own belief systems consciously.
Here is a wonderful story that I came across worth sharing that will make the hardest skeptics think for a moment.. Here goes...
Here is a wonderful story that I came across worth sharing that will make the hardest skeptics think for a moment.. Here goes...
In a mother's womb were two babies. One asked the other: "Do you believe in life after delivery?" The other replies, "why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later. "Nonsense," says the other. "There is no life after delivery. What would that life be?" "I don't know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths." The other says "This is absurd! Walking is impossible. And eat with our mouths? Ridiculous. The umbilical cord supplies nutrition. Life after delivery is to be excluded. The umbilical cord is too short." "I think there is something and maybe it's different than it is here." the other replies, "No one has ever come back from there. Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery it is nothing but darkness and anxiety and it takes us nowhere." "Well, I don't know," says the other, "but certainly we will see mother and she will take care of us." "Mother??" You believe in mother? Where is she now? "She is all around us. It is in her that we live. Without her there would not be this world." "I don't see her, so it's only logical that she doesn't exist." To which the other replied, "sometimes when you're in silence you can hear her, you can perceive her." I believe there is a reality after delivery and we are here to prepare ourselves for that reality....
No one can deny the pain that comes with the physical loss of the person and only time and conscious efforts can heal some wounds. And above all, good old Love and Faith can have profound healing effects. And among many other lessons that I am learning each day, today I realised and experienced the power of letting go in a true sense... And I am so eternally thankful to both my parents who probably knew this at a soul level and gave me the biggest gift any parent can give their child...that of setting me off on a journey to find my true self. I love them always and forever...and I don't need to hold on to any particular day to prove that!
